Existential Crises – A Crises of Faith

There appears to be no easy way to describe exactly what an existential crisis is. In short, it has to do with our interpretation and beliefs of the meaning of life. The longer version, well, the longer version is …. long. From the age of 3 years old to 9 years old, I was raised by nuns of the Catholic faith. I grew up in a family whose religion was Catholic, but as a teenager, I saw that this was not what I believed in. I believed in the concept of God, and in Jesus his Son, but I did not believe in having to pray to the saints, to bestow all sorts of blessings on Jesus’s mother, and much more. The rituals, pompous ceremonies and traditions were not enough for me to say – this is it. This is the one and only way. So, I left that faith and embarked on a journey of trying to find something that I could believe in.

In retrospect, why? Why is it important that we find these answers. Why do we want there to be an answer in the first place? What is this need for belonging; the fear of hell, fire and damnation; and the need to find euphoria in some religious or spiritual principle and way of life. Would life really be that bad if there was nothing hereinafter, or is there something out there that we are destined to find, if we seek earnestly enough?

The meaning of life is so important to so many. They need to find a meaning to everything. They see signs everywhere. The power of belief and the mind is more powerful than we realize, and we are often led down rabbit holes in pursuit of the holy grail.

I tried various religious doctrine; nothing jumped out at me. I studied, more like dabbled in, A Course in Miracles – supposedly authored by Jesus. I studied energy healing and became a Reiki Master. I wanted to find the elixir of life. The one in charge of all things, and it was driving me to the brink of insanity. I had to stop with the searching and just sit with myself, as I am. Today. In this moment. There are religions aplenty, spiritual dogma just as much, and everyone proclaiming – this is the way. I even found a great Course in Miracles in teacher, who then diluted that mainstream with non-dualism. This is all great. Find the way that brings you peace, joy, happiness and a sense of fulfilment. Find the path that makes you feel like you have come home. I had not found that. So I continued to look, search, listen to others and on and on.

But then I decided to give all the searching up. I decided to just be. In this moment, and to let life experience itself through me, and me to experience life as it is. It was then that I remembered the late Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book – Living the Wisdom of the Tao. I found it on my bookshelf, dusted it off, and started reading through the 81 verses in the Tao Te Ching. And hey presto! My eyes lit up, my heart opened up, and my mind was at peace. It had find the ancient wisdom of Lao Tzu, which so succinctly is inclusive of all. The wisdom in the pages blew me away. I found myself reading the same verse over and over again, just getting as much ancient wisdom that I could. I am not saying that this will be the same for you, but what I am saying is this – follow YOUR heart, follow what rings true to you, do no harm to another, love should be the core essence of humanity, and have a willingness to evolve time after time, on your quest for finding the Aleph: the place where Divinity, spirituality and physicality meet.

The ancient wisdom of the Chinese prophet Lao-tzu is as relevant today as it was centuries ago.

Become an empty vessel and let yourself be filled up with truth, in the way that truth wants to reveal itself to you.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone else – just walk humbly on this earth.

You’ve got this. And when it all gets too much, let it all go and just breathe, and center yourself in your peace within.

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